(no subject)

[scarredlion.livejournal.com]

Who: Squall & Laguna
When: After the embarrassment
Where: Rec Room
What: Talking
Rating: PG



Squall was feeling really down in the dumps. His intimate moment with Balthier had been ruined, and things had been somewhat tense between them since. On top of that he was still pretty horny, despite a cold shower and quick hand job. He was currently flopped out in the rec room, drawing in his sketchbook.

Laguna was about to walk in there as well, but stopped as he saw his son. He felt uncomfortable, turning to leave again.

Squall lifted his gaze to Laguna, offering him a sad smile. He shifted a little, patting the space beside him on the sofa.

Laguna squirmed, looking down, rubbing the back of his head before he moved over to sit, not even looking at his son.

Squall closed his sketchbook quickly. He didn't think his father would like to see the very detailed sketch of Squall and Balthier having sex by a fireplace. "... How's your day been?"

"Umm. okay I guess." He spoke awkwardly, looking away still.

Squall gave a nod, tucking his feet beneath him. "No more accidents?"

"I always have accidents." he swallowed heavily, cheeks burning. "I’m such an idiot really."

"You're not an idiot. You're just a little clumsy." Squall replied, offering his dad a half-smile.

"I do stupid things, say stupid things, fall a lot, make a fool out of myself and everyone around me. No wonder your mother left me" This time he pulled his knees up to his chest.

Squall sighed. "You're not that bad. And Mom was a fool to leave you. You're much nicer than that jerk!!"

"I fucked up all the time Squall. You have seen me a bit now. I’m always like this.”

"You loved me and Elle, and you loved Mom! That's all that should have mattered!! He... He never even liked me!"

He lowered his head. "I know. And I was a damn coward and ran out of there like a damn chicken." he swallowed hard, staring in front of him. "I don’t really like to be sad, I don’t like to linger at painful past, but when she.. you know, left, I did not know what to do. I could not take care of you guys, because each time I looked into your faces.." he swallowed, turning to Squall and looking into his stormy eyes so much like his mother, then looked away. ".. I saw Raine.."

Squall shifted uneasily in his seat, hugging his sketchbook to his knees. "I never blamed you for leaving. I blamed Mom, and him... I hated him so much! I just wanted him to go away and not come back! He was so cruel to me and Mom... just couldn't see it..."

"I’m sorry.." He sighed. "When I get out.. I’ll do something about it. If I get out that is. " He looked away "I’ll try my best to stay away from you and Balthier from now on. I see he don’t like me much at all, and I only make you ashamed of me.."

"It's not that we don't want you around... it's just... well, there isn't much privacy here as it is, and we... you know, we have needs... urges." He hugged his knees tighter. "Bal doesn't hate you, he just doesn't know how to act around you, you are my dad after all."

"He gets pissed each time I try to talk to him, or he walks away. He shows clearly that he don’t like me. But its okay, most people don’t." He looked away again. "And I know you have urges, and I try to avoid getting into these kind of situations, but they happen without my control."

Squall frowned. "He just doesn't know how to act around you. Balthier is the kind of guy who does and says what he wants, but he doesn't want to say something rash to you or something. Just give him time to adjust."

"Time is all I have. "

"It's a big change for him. We've gone from doing it like rabbits to having to be careful whether you're in earshot or not."

He looked down, ashamed.

"I know it's not your fault. It's just... awkward, ya know? We wanna touch and kiss and have mind-blowing sex, and it's just not the kind of thing you can do with your dad three cells down."

"Its not like I lay awake to listen.." he spoke sadly, feeling the guilt wreak him. "I am a sound sleeper, and I would not be able to distinguish one sex sound from another."

Squall hugged his knees tighter. "It's just... embarrassing, you know? I mean... you're my Dad, I don't want you to hear me doing... that..."

".. Its not like I can just walk out of here."

Squall gave a heavy sigh. "I know..."